Category: Politics

Joe Biden: My choice for VP will be a sexy young female

DOVER – Former Vice President Joe Biden has promised to select a ‘sexy young female’ as his running mate if he is chosen for the Democratic ticket in the 2020 Presidential election.

“I know I’m an old white guy but I’ll make you this promise; my choice for Vice President will be a sexy young female.  You thought Michelle and Melania were young and sexy, just wait,” said Biden as he winked during an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

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(image credit US Embassy, New Zealand [Public domain])

AOC vows revenge over 57-0 Green New Deal rejection

WASHINGTON – Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) unleashed a fiery threat of revenge against those who opposed her Green New Deal during a House committee meeting on Tuesday, the same day the landmark environmental proposal failed to advance in the Senate with a stunning 57-0 rejection.

“Be very careful who you mock this day because it will come back to haunt you.  I don’t forgive and I don’t forget.  This day will live in infamy.  My progressive agenda will move forward with or without you,” said Cortez in her blistering response.

The final vote was 57 nays and 43 present.

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(image credit Senate Democrats [CC BY 2.0])

Hillary to enter race if Mueller Report fizzles

WASHINGTON – Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has decided to enter the 2020 Presidential race if the Mueller Report fails to disrupt the Trump Presidency.

“If Mueller doesn’t stop Trump, I will.  It’s my turn.  Everyone knows that I deserve to be President including the DNC.  With their help, I will easily become the Democratic candidate and defeat Trump.  The Russians can’t save him this time,” said Clinton in an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

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(image credit Lorie Shaull [CC BY-SA 2.0])

Jeb Bush: Somebody please avenge me

AUGUSTA – Jeb Bush, second son of former President George H. W. Bush and former Governor of Florida, is begging for someone to challenge President Trump for the Republican ticket in the upcoming 2020 Presidential election.

“It’s not fair.  He was mean to me.  He doesn’t deserve to be President.  Sure, the economy is great and ISIS has been defeated, but he hurts people’s feelings.  We can’t just let this bully lead our party for another four years.  Just wait, the Mueller Investigation will prove that he colluded with the Russians to steal the nomination from me, which I deserved,” said Bush in an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

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(image credit Marc Nozell, Merrimack, NH, US [CC BY 2.0])

Beto O’Rourke: Give Texas back to Mexico

BURLINGTON – Beto O’Rourke, the 46-year-old ex-Democratic House representative from Texas, declared his presidential candidacy yesterday.  During his campaign speech, he made a bold assertion:  We need to give Texas back to Mexico.

“We need to do the right thing.  Texas doesn’t belong to us.  It belongs to Mexico.  The Alamo was a mistake.  When I become President, I will give Texas back to Mexico.  This will help alleviate our immigration crisis.  Furthermore, giving Mexico the NASA Johnson Space Center in Houston will help Mexico finally build their space program which in turn will benefit all of humanity.  Besides, we need more Mexicans in space,” said Beto during his campaign rally.

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(image credit crockodile, Austin, TX [CC BY 2.0])

Leaked audio: Pelosi confesses to Trump fantasy

WASHINGTON – A leaked audio recording obtained by Mendaco Press appears to exhibit Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) revealing explicit feelings about President Trump.

“When he [Trump] walks in the room I just.. (sighs)… he drives me crazy.  I reach out to shake his hand and I get all flustered… I just want… (inaudible)… ya know I just… just want him to take me right there,” said a voice in the audio recording which appears to be Speaker Pelosi.

Experts are currently examining the recording for authenticity.

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(image credit US Department of Labor [Public domain])

Ilhan Omar tweet: ‘Make Gas Chambers Great Again’

WASHINGTON – Freshman Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) seems to have deleted yet another anti-Semitic tweet earlier this morning that stated ‘Make Gas Chambers Great Again’.

Gas Chambers

Omar, along with her appointment to the Foreign Affairs Committee, drew the ire of House Republican leaders because of multiple anti-Semitic tweets that she has since deleted.

Rep. Liz Cheney (R-WY) slammed Democrats in Congress for a recent congressional vote that she said “enabled” anti-Semitism when lawmakers didn’t specifically condemn recent tweets from Omar.

“It is absolutely shameful that Nancy Pelosi and Leader Hoyer and the Democratic leaders will not put her name in a resolution on the floor and condemn her remarks and remove her from the House Foreign Affairs Committee,” Cheney said. “Those people who won’t condemn it are enabling it.”

House Foreign Affairs Committee Chairman Eliot Engel (D-NY) said that he will not remove Omar from his committee over the anti-Semitic tweets since they have been deleted.

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(image credit Lorie Shaull [CC BY-SA 4.0])

Democrats: Increase gun purchase delays for ‘white males’

WASHINGTON – Congressional Democrats met on Capitol Hill yesterday to craft wording to be added to Congressional Bill HR 1112, Enhanced Background Checks Act of 2019, that would greatly increase delays for background checks specifically for ‘white males’ for up to 180 days or longer depending on the circumstance.

“We must take the safety of our children seriously.  We cannot have another mass shooting.  Statistics show that white males are the most likely to be radicalized by the alt-right and other extremist ideologies.  They are the most dangerous demographic in our society.  We need to do everything we can to hinder them from obtaining firearms.  We are adding provisions to the background checks that would be more robust in scope to include a query of social media and online activity.  This legislation will be a first step in moving our country forward into our progressive vision for a safer America,” said Congressional Democratic spokesperson during yesterday’s press conference.

House Judiciary ranking Republican Doug Collins of Georgia expressed great dissident to HR 1112 stating, “it places an unnecessary burden on buyers that could prevent law-abiding citizens from obtaining a firearm”.

It is unlikely that HR 1112 will pass the Senate, let alone be signed by President Trump.

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(image credit Senate Democrats [CC BY 2.0])

Kamala Harris’ jobs bill promotes state-run Brothels

WASHINGTON – Senator Kamala Harris (D-CA) has proposed a jobs bill that would federally legalize prostitution and provide funding to state-run brothels in low income areas across the country.

“We want to empower women with more economic opportunities.  By giving women the option to sell their bodies in safe and legal government regulated brothels, we will be providing economic upward mobility to women who may lack the skills or education required in today’s competitive workforce.  This would also provide a needed service that I believe many men would appreciate,” said Harris in an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

The proposed bill has received strong support among many Democrats to include former President Bill Clinton who said he ‘loves it’.

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(image credit Office of Senator Kamala Harris [Public domain])

Bernie Sanders enters 2020 race, claims he’ll live to 100

BURLINGTON – Bernie Sanders, the independent Vermont senator who finished runner up to Hillary Clinton for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination, announced today that he will again be running in the 2020 Presidential race.  At age 77, many question if he will be too old to run.

“People are concerned about my age.  They have nothing to worry about.  I have consulted my Astrologer, Tarot Card Reader and Palmist.  They all say I’ll live to at least 100.  My Palmist said that my life line on my right hand was so long, I may even live to 120,” said Sanders in an interview with AARP.

If Sanders were to win, he would be the oldest president in U.S. history.

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(image credit Nick Solari [CC BY-SA 2.0])