Category: Sports

Colin Kaepernick diagnosed with rare knee cancer

SAN FRANCISCO – Colin Kaepernick, an American activist and former American football quarterback in the National Football League, has been diagnosed with a rare form a knee cancer.

“We have never seen this form of cancer before.  It has baffled us.  We are doing our best to treat Mr. Kaepernick as best we can,” says a doctor at the Karma Cancer Center and Research Institute.

Kaepernick started the #TakeAKnee movement to protest police brutality, disrespect military veterans and show ingratitude for American liberty.

(image credit Daniel Hartwig CC BY 2.0)

NFL to replace American flag with ‘Black Lives Matter’ flag

ATLANTA – Roger Goodell, Commissioner of the National Football League, announced in a press conference today that the American Flag will be replaced with the ‘Black Lives Matter’ flag at this year’s Super Bowl.

“We at the NFL want to be sensitive to the marginalized voices in our community.  By replacing the American flag with the ‘Black Lives Matter’ flag, we hope to display to the world that we hear these voices.  We now recognize the American flag as a symbol of oppression and will begin to diminish it’s visibility throughout the League.  We don’t care if some people don’t like it.  They don’t have to watch football,” said Goodell during the press conference.

This drastic move by the NFL was sparked by the #takeaknee movement which intends to protest police brutality, disrespect military veterans and show ingratitude for American liberty.

(image credit Tony Webster from Minneapolis, MN, US [CC BY 2.0])

Tony Romo signs major contract with Psychic Network

DALLAS – Tony Romo, former NFL quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys and CBS Sports analyst known for his uncanny ability to predict the future, has signed a multi-million dollar contract with a psychic network.

“He has a valuable gift.  His accuracy at predicting future events is unparalleled.  We are very happy to have him join our network,”  says network spokesperson to Mendaco Press.

Romo has also been approached by the U.S. Military and the CIA.  Unfortunately, we were unable to obtain any information about the meetings.

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(image credit MC2 Elisia V. Gonzales, USN [Public domain])