Category: U.S.

Jesse Jackson: Jussie didn’t do nothing

CHICAGO – Rev. Jesse Jackson asserted yesterday that Jussie Smollett is innocent of the hate crime hoax allegations and says the outrage surrounding his case is fake news.

“People need to stop harassing Jussie.  Ya’ll just want to hate on him because he’s a gay black man.  Nobody cares that his attackers are still out there.  Don’t forget, he’s the victim here.  Jussie didn’t do nothing,” said Jackson in an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

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(image credit United States Mission Geneva [CC BY 2.0])

Eric Holder: America sucks for black people

WASHINGTON – In a heated diatribe yesterday, former Attorney General Eric Holder asserted that it is time for white people to begin to pay reparations to black Americans for the years of oppression that they have perpetuated.

“America has never been great.  In fact, America sucks for black people.  White people use their privilege to enrich themselves while minorities in this country are given the short end of the stick.  It is high time that they pay.  We are going to take what belongs to us,” said Holder in an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

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Keith Olbermann demands a Military Coup to topple Trump

NEW YORK CITY – Sports commentator Keith Olbermann, in response to the outcome of the Mueller Report, is demanding a military coup d’état to take the Presidency away from Donald Trump and give it to Hillary Clinton.

“It was her turn but the Russians stole it from her.  In fact, the entire U.S. government has been taken over by Vladimir Putin.  There is only one option left.  The military must use its power to take control of the federal government and install Hillary Clinton as President.  This is the only way we will be able to advance our progressive agenda,” said Olbermann from his secret bomb shelter during an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

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(image credit The Resistance with Keith Olbermann)

John Lewis: We are impeaching his ‘orange ass’ regardless

ATLANTA – Civil rights leader Rep. John Lewis (D-GA) asserts that he is ‘hell bent’ on impeaching President Trump regardless of the Mueller Report outcome.

“I don’t give a damn what the Mueller Reports says.  Trump is going down.  We didn’t invest millions into this investigation just to leave empty handed.  Regardless of the evidence, we are going to impeach his orange ass,” said Lewis in an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

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(image credit LBJ Library, Emily Clack [CC BY 2.0])

Adam Schiff: Mueller is a Russian Agent

WASHINGTON – House Intelligence Committee Chairman Rep. Adam Schiff believes that Special counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation has been compromised stating that he believes Mueller is a Russian Agent.

“I believe Mueller is a Russian Agent who is taking orders directly from Putin.  There’s no other way to explain the outcome of the report.  I have no facts to support this claim.  I just feel it in my bones.  After you’ve watched as many James Bond movies as I have, you’d come to the same conclusion,” said Schiff in an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

U.S. Attorney General William Barr, who received the report from Mueller on Friday, told lawmakers that a summary of the report would be available soon.

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(image credit Voice of America [Public Domain])

Al Gore pushes to criminalize Climate Change denial

ATLANTA – Former Vice President Al Gore is lobbying Congress to create legislation to criminalize Climate Change denial citing that those who deny Climate Change are worse than Nazis.

“Climate Change deniers should go to prison, period.  They are the enemies of humanity.  We need to get tough.  Taking away their freedom will get their attention.  They will conform to our ideology or else pay the price,” said Gore in an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

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(image credit Web Summit [CC BY 2.0])

Kellyanne Conway reports husband’s Voodoo doll

WASHINGTON – Kellyanne Conway, counselor to President Trump, reports to the U.S. Secret Service her discovery of a ‘Voodoo doll’ in her home that appeared to be an effigy of President Trump.  She believes it belongs to her husband, George Conway.

“I went to the garage and I couldn’t believe what I saw.  Laying on my husband’s workbench was a Voodoo doll with pins stuck threw it that looked like President Trump.  I knew my husband hated President Trump and was jealous of my position in the White House but I never thought his feelings would motivate him to perform witchcraft,” said Conway in an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

A Voodoo doll is an effigy of a target victim used in witchcraft into which pins are inserted to cause harm through magic upon the individual represented.

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(image credit Gage Skidmore, Peoria, AZ, US [CC BY-SA 2.0])

Cenk Uygur hospitalized, overdoses in laboratory

LOS ANGELES – Political activist Cenk Uygur, host of The Young Turks, has been hospitalized due to an apparent overdose in a research and development laboratory while testing a beverage formula that he invented in partnership with Kool-Aid, a Kraft Foods owned drink mix brand.

“Early testing of the formula revealed it’s toxic nature but he insisted on trying it anyway.  We warned him not to drink it but he wouldn’t listen to reason.  As he was sipping it, we could tell there was something wrong.  His speech became illogical and aggressive.  After a few moments, while in a heightened state of hysteria, he passed out and fell to the floor,” said the laboratory technician to Mendaco Press.

Uygur was rushed to a local hospital for treatment.  His condition is currently unknown.

(image credit Web Summit [CC BY 2.0])

Ann Coulter: I am voting for a Democrat

MIAMI – Political commentator Ann Coulter has vowed to not vote to reelect President Trump.  Coulter said she will be voting for the leading Democrat in the upcoming 2020 Presidential election.

“I thought the wall would be built by now, but Trump has let me down.  The only thing I cared about was keeping Mexicans out of my neighborhood.  But no, they are still here.  I’ll support Socialism, the Green New Deal and war with North Korea before I’ll vote for the orange man again,” said Coulter in an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

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(image credit Gage Skidmore, Peoria, AZ, US [CC BY-SA 2.0])

John Kelly divulges details about the Trump White House

DURHAM – In an interview on stage at Duke University last week, former White House chief of staff John Kelly, who left the administration in January, divulged details of his observations while serving in the Trump White House.

“I consider my time in the White House to be the most important job I’ve ever held, although it wasn’t my favorite.  I did my best to provide the President with as much detailed information as possible.  As far as media, President Trump preferred Fox News although he would watch MSNBC at times to keep him ‘motivated’.  He would read the Wall Street Journal, New York Times and of course Mendaco Press,” said Kelly during the interview.

Kelly also indicated that he might have also accepted the job for former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, had she won the 2016 presidential election and asked him to fill it.

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