Tag: CNN

Jake Tapper: CNN is still the most trusted name in news

ATLANTA – Chief CNN Correspondent Jake Tapper insists that CNN is still the most trusted name in news despite the latest controversy concerning the network’s coverage of the Mueller investigation.

“I don’t believe the ratings.  I see CNN more commonly on televisions when I’m in a waiting room or an airport than any other network.  People love us.  We are rock stars and our paychecks prove that regardless of what the stupid Trump supporters think,” said Tapper in an exclusive interview with Mendaco Press.

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Don Lemon audio: ‘Hating white people is not racist’

ATLANTA – Leaked audio obtained by Mendaco Press appears to be the voice of CNN news anchor Don Lemon on a diatribe concerning white people.

“Hating white people is not racist… they deserve to be hated… it is only a justifiable reaction to centuries of oppression they have caused… they will pay for their sins… (inaudible) …our plan is already working… we are making sure that their guilt hangs on their necks until they are shamed into submission… the future of America is brown… not white,” said the voice in the leaked audio which appears to be the voice of Lemon.

Experts are currently examining the recording for authenticity.

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CNN offers Michael Cohen multi-million dollar book deal

ATLANTA – Michael Cohen, former attorney for President Trump, has been offered a multi-million dollar book deal from CNN sources say.

“We are excited to announce Michael Cohen’s acceptance of our book deal.  It is sure to be a bestseller.  The network is looking forward to this future partnership.  We believe Mr. Cohen shares our standard of ethics,” said CNN spokesperson to Mendaco Press.

On November 29, 2018, Cohen pleaded guilty to lying to the Senate Intelligence Committee and House Intelligence Committee in 2017.

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Brian Stelter attacked by two masked midgets in NYC

NEW YORK CITY – Brian Stelter, chief media correspondent for CNN and host of the CNN show Reliable Sources, was attacked earlier today by two masked midgets on the streets in New York City.

“They shouted ‘This is midget country!’ while they beat me and stepped on my toes.  I was stunned.  This was obviously a hate crime targeted against tall people,” said Stelter to a local affiliate.

Stelter checked himself into a hospital and is in good condition.  The NYPD is currently investigating the incident.

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